zachary goodson

Imagine growing up believing that your very existence is wrong. That was me. 

My childhood was anything but ordinary.  I grew up in classic Hollywood and both of my parents were celebrities. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 3-years old, and I split time being raised between my abusive biological father and John Travolta, my mother's boyfriend. My mom died in Travolta's arms less than one year after her diagnosis.  When I was 6-years old a crazy fan of Travolta’s tried to kidnap me so my dad moved us to a tiny mountain town east of Los Angeles, Lake Arrowhead.  

From the outside, things looked great in Lake Arrowhead.  We had a big house on the lake, there was an abondance of outdoor activities and I had a good friend.  But the fact is, I was terrified.  My father was a substance abuser and he emotionally abused me on a regular basis.  I internalized his crazy behavior (trust me, it was bad) the only way I knew how to: I thought I was the problem.  

You see, my dad never sat me down and apologized for the crazy things he did to me.  He never apologized for bursting into my room in the middle of the night, high on cocaine, and torturing me. He never apologized for not allowing me to celebrate my birthday or holidays.  He never apologized for shaming me in public.  

Since he never apologized I figured I must be the problem.  Seriously, how else is a child supposed to interpret this kind of behavior?  I thought I deserved to be punished and as such, a negative thought pattern was born.

Like a kid at school writing on a chalkboard because he did something wrong, my thoughts wrote in my mind over and over again: I did something wrong. I did something wrong. 

This consistent negative self-talk eventually turned into a core belief: I am wrong.

As an adult I actively looked for validation in other people as a result of this belief. I became a people-pleaser that would do anything for you to like me. Please like me, please tell me I’m okay.  

If you liked me, I felt less broken, but one person liking me was never enough. If I was in a room with 100 people and all of them but one liked me I would worry and fret, wondering what I had done to upset that one person.

I also thought I had to be perfect in every area of my life. My hair had to be perfect. My clothes had to be perfect.  I had to say the right things. Do the right things. Be the right thing.

I also used each failed attempt for your validation as proof that I was broken. See!

I would go to bed at night saying I was done with that kind of behavior, yet I would wake up in the morning and start it all over again. It was like the movie Groundhog Day. I was living the same day over and over again and I couldn’t stop.

In 2010 I hit what I call my rock bottom.  I hated myself and the life I had created and desperately wanted change. I had what I call a failed relationship with self.  I realized I didn’t know how to be in a healthy relationship with myself let alone anyone else.  

This realization changed everything. 

I decided to face my deepest fears and pursue my own healing. From there, massive transformation ensued - internally.  Vulnerability and authenticity became my way of life.  

I overcame my negative self-talk and victim mentality and learned how to like and love myself.  I took ownership of my life and learned that true fulfillment is an inner resource and once you tap into it nothing can take it away.  

From there all I wanted to do was share my learnings with others.  My real life experiences of learning a new way to think, feel, and live.   

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I hope this is just the beginning for us.

My work is dedicated to helping people like you uncover who you really are. To help you experience greater self-awareness, self-love and self-fullfilment in all areas of your life. To help you move from fear to empowerment and discover how truly powerful you are.

Want to go deeper, unpack your emotional history, and create a path for personal growth and self-awareness?  Contact me to schedule a complimentary discovery call. *Serious inquires only