I recently had a surprising experience with someone I've always gotten along with.  While we’re not close, we’ve shared good times with a mutual friend.  So when I reached out to ask how our friend was doing – knowing they were going through a tough time – I didn’t expect it to lead to what happened next. 

We were texting casually when, out of nowhere, they told me they didn’t want to talk anymore and that I should never contact them again.  They accused me of having “horrible boundaries.”

The other morning, I was in the kitchen making pancakes for my daughter, a tradition we’ve enjoyed every Saturday for the past five years. I love this ritual, and so does she!

While I cooked, she sat at the table watching a Disney movie called Lilo & Stitch, laughing and giggling. Suddenly, her laughter stopped, and when I turned to check on her, I saw tears streaming down her face. I knew immediately what was troubling her.

I don’t ask for a lot in life.  I’m pretty simple really. 

Yet there are times when I absolutely lose my cool over things that are completely out of my control.  And when this happens I tend to blame God.  Yeah you read that right.

When I was seven years old my dad moved us up to a small mountain town about two hours east of Los Angeles.  Aside from my mother’s death, that’s where the bulk of my childhood trauma took place.  Where my “lessons” were learned.
 
I’m sharing this with you because like my father, I too am now a single parent.  And interestingly enough, my daughter is the same age that I was when all of the craziness in my life was happening.  

As a writer and a coach there’s a part of me that wants to sound like I’ve got it all figured out.  Like I’m this evolved being.  
 
This includes outlandish thoughts that say I need a picture of me in a lotus pose meditating on a rock in Sedona, Arizona.  Or thoughts telling me I need the perfect online post offering inspiration and wisdom to all (that of course goes viral).  You know, that kind of woo woo stuff. 

Fifteen years ago the woman that I wanted more than anyone else in the world didn’t want me, and it hurt.  I had offered her the best possible presentation of myself and she turned me down.

I had built her up to be some sort of savior; the perfect woman that would make everything better.  It wasn’t the first time I had gone down that mental path with a woman, building something up and then being disappointed and crushed when my fantasy didn’t work out. 

Something happened a couple of weeks ago on Mother’s Day that rocked me to my core.  I was supposed to drop my daughter off at her mom’s house at 8:30am in the morning but we got delayed till 8:50am because I decided to get my car washed.  
 
Sounds silly, right?  Let me explain.

I lie. 

Not all the time.  Not even daily.  But I do it to get my needs met when I need to. 

Let me give you an example.

I’ve been feeling uncomfortably lonely lately.  When I felt this way in the past, I would search for a woman to make me feel better about myself.  
 
And that’s the dysmorphia of our minds, well, my mind at least.  My mind says I’ll be whole and complete once I find “my person”. 

My daughter is a big Disney fan. And let's be honest, I am too. I love their movies. They always have a great message.

So last weekend we snuggled up on the couch and watched their newest movie, Wish, which is a celebration of one hundred years of Disney. And once again, Disney delivered a great message.

The last time I sent out a blog was this past July. I wrote about intentions vs commitments and the difference between the two.  

I wrote about how people intend to do things but sometimes don't follow because they don't have a system in place that guarantees success.  

But what I didn't write about is what happens if you don't honor your commitment to yourself? What happens if your system breaks down? That's what's really important here in my opinion. 

This article was first published on tinybuddha.com.  You can view it here as well.
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I walked on eggshells in my relationship. I did for the past ten years.

I tried to design everything out of my mouth to lead to the least amount of friction between my wife and me. And you know what? It hurt our relationship.

I don’t know what to write right now. Seriously, everything coming through my fingers onto the screen looks and sounds horrible. This is the last thing I want to be doing.  
 
I’d rather be paying my bills or cleaning my townhome. I’d rather be doing laundry or washing my car. Oh that reminds me, I need to drop off my dry cleaning tomorrow morning.  

There was a job a number of years ago that I really wanted to get.  It was a remote role and I immediately reached out to someone that I knew within the organization expressing my interest.  
 
When the acquaintance got back to me saying they would be happy to share my resume with the hiring manager I believed in my heart that the job was mine.  I was convinced that it was my job to lose.

As you’ve hear me share before, I went through a good chunk of my adult life thinking that there was something wrong with me. Trust me when I tell you - it showed up everywhere.
 
Perfect example: I was convinced that women weren’t attracted to me. Seriously. Even the ones that went on dates with me! 

I was a guest on the Commitment Phobe podcast last year which is hosted by wonderful human being – Tanai Milgram.  We had a great conversation during the recording and I left feeling really good about showing up and being of service by sharing my story.
 
But when I listened to the recording, I immediately judged myself.  There were a couple of times during the course of the recording where I was asked one thing, and I went off on a completely different tangent, not even answering the host’s question. 

Have you ever felt really good one minute and then completely horrible about yourself the next?  For example, I was recently working on an article that I felt really good about when all of sudden, out of nowhere, I thought it was the worst thing ever.  

I used to come home from work and watch television and play video games every single night. It was my pattern. My comfort zone.

I said I wanted more for my life but I didn’t do anything about it. I didn’t pursue my dreams or explore new things. 

When I was twenty-four years old I was living in Riverside, CA.  I was a college graduate and a law school flunk out, and I was lost and didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do with my life. 
 
Until one day it hit me – I was going to follow in my mom’s footsteps and be an actor.

Set your day before your day sets you. Let me explain what I mean.
 
I spent years letting the world around me dictate how I was going to feel each day. I would wake up and the first thing I would do was reach for my phone and start scrolling.