When I was twenty-four years old I was living in Riverside, CA. I was a college graduate and a law school flunk out, and I was lost and didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do with my life.
Until one day it hit me – I was going to follow in my mom’s footsteps and be an actor.
The fantasy in my mind was amazing. I was going to move to Hollywood, take acting classes, get an agent, and become an Emmy award-winning actor, just like my mom.
In fact, on any given day I would close my eyes and picture myself on stage accepting my award. I’d be crying as I told the entire watching world that my mom had won one of these but never got the chance to accept it herself (she won hers posthumous and John Travolta accepted it on her behalf).
I would raise my Emmy into the sky and dedicate it to my mom and there wouldn’t be a dry eye in the house. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours.
It wasn’t a matter of if it would happen. It was a matter of when. So I packed up my stuff and moved to Hollywood.
Stardom here I come! Honestly, I never felt more certain of anything in my life.
I won’t bore you with the intricate details but just know that I got an agent, took classes, and even booked a commercial. And…that’s as far as I got.
Why? Because I didn’t actually want it. I loved the fantasy of winning my award and dedicating it to my mom but I didn’t love the process of getting there.
I didn’t love hearing from my agent that I had a same-day audition and the stress that came with trying to find someone to cover my shift at work. I didn’t love driving in traffic across town during rush hour just to slate my name on camera only to turn around and drive right back home.
I didn’t love the discomfort of hearing that someone else got the job and not me. I didn’t love the instability that came with making ends meet while needing to have a flexible schedule.
I loved my fantasy. Not the process. I wanted my award but not the struggle to get there.
So I quit. I didn’t know this at the time but I definitely know it now – the process is everything.
For example, let’s say you want to lose 15 lbs while gaining muscle in the process. Can you go to the gym just once to attain this goal?
Please say yes. Please say yes.
No, you go five to six times a week, eat healthy, and get plenty of rest. And then you do this over and over again because you are willing to go through the struggle to get to where you want to be.
It’s about learning to accept and appreciate the journey. That’s the work. Accepting our experience – good or bad.
If you say you want a healthy relationship but you turn and run away every time things get uncomfortable for you then perhaps you don’t really want a healthy relationship. Or maybe you dream of starting your own company but you never make it past the dream.
Do you really want it? Probably not or else you would be doing something about it.
Bottom line, if you run from your discomfort you’ll never get to where you want to be in life. Just like me when I thought I wanted to be an actor.
Life can’t be a happy-go-lucky fantasy all of the time. That’s not real.
Real, is struggle and solving problems. It’s failing and then failing a little more. It’s about wanting something so badly that you are willing to go through anything to get it.
So let me ask you - what are you willing to struggle for? What pain do you want in your life?
Let me know.
Love,
Zak