My head felt like it was in a vice and the back of my neck was so hot you could fry and egg on it. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
I was walking through something pretty big in my life when I realized I was telling myself limiting stories from my past. I better do this perfectly or I’m going be judged as not good enough. I was applying unnecessary pressure and I was hurting myself.
When I realized what I was doing I quickly changed the station to a more loving tune. I remined myself that I was going through something necessary to expand my comfort zone and the overall outcome didn’t matter. What mattered was seeing it through to completion and being kind and loving toward myself along the way.
Old stories want to die hard. They crop up and say you’re not good enough, perfect enough or smart enough. They tell you that you’re not capable of change or worthy of that trip you want to take. Bottom line, old stories will do whatever they can to keep your comfort zone small.
That’s why who we are BE-ing when we expand is key. It was important for me to walk through the event mentioned above and yet it was equally important, if not more so, to BE kind and loving toward myself during the process.
What sounds better - telling yourself that you’re doing a great job as you stretch the boundaries of your comfort zone or telling yourself that the outcome better be outstanding or else you’re a total failure? Which do you think will be more successful?
A stretch for a client of mine was cooking a new recipe at home. It was his favorite dish from his favorite restaurant and he had always wondered what it would be like to make it on his own.
He went to the grocery store, bought all the ingredients, cooked the meal enthusiastically only to have be – not so great. His reaction, his default programing, was to beat himself up.
He said he was foolish to think he could cook something new and even went so far as to say he would never try cooking a new recipe again unless he knew it would be perfect. I slowed him down and reminded him that his activation and negative self-talk were from programing he learned as a child.
I reminded him that he has a chance AND a choice to respond differently to himself in situations like these. I asked him how he wished his dad would’ve responded to things like this when he was a kid. He said with love and encouragement. Exactly.
And that’s the work. Remember, all growth occurs outside your comfort zone(s).
So I have a question for you. How are you going to BE with yourself when those voices come up for you?
It’s about taking a series of baby steps in a new direction and building a practice. By repeatedly choosing not to get caught up in our old stories, we can begin to experience the world in a new way.
Love,
Zachary
PS ~ Who would you need to BE to live the most extraordinary life you can live?