As a coach and a writer I’m in the business of personal transformation using everything for learning, growth and upliftment. Not only do I walk clients through this(and people that I love), but I myself walk this path.
Recently, I had an incredible interaction with my coach which lead to me making a decision that changed my life forever. Here's what I learned.
My earliest childhood memory is my mother’s empty bed. The sheets are white, untucked and messy. The duvet cover is loose and hanging halfway on the floor. The room is quiet, there’s no sign of mom and I am all alone.
There are times in my life today when I feel isolated and alone(just like when I was a kid) and being in this headspace can feel overwhelming to me. Rather than meeting my fears and feeling my feelings I told my coach I had been trying to manage them by being - interesting.
You see, interesting for me equals attention which ultimately equals validation. It’s like a drug that makes me feel better about myself when I’m experiencing low self-worth. It's me trying to help myself in a not so healthy way.
If I can just be interesting enough - you’ll like me and want to know more.
If you find me interesting then - you’ll give me attention which means I’m not alone.
My coach asked me if this pattern was linked to my mom’s passing and I immediately started to cry. Of course it is.
“It’s really okay to let that go, Zach” she said. “Deciding to let this go can be as easy as changing a radio station.”
I told her it felt overwhelming to change the station. “Really?” she said. “Have you ever changed a radio station?” She said I could spend time talking about it or I could decide it won't happen anymore. "It’s that easy” she said.
She then suggested a new practice for me – giving this stuff to my mom.
My coach reminded me that my mom is one of my angels. “She would so do that for you, Zach, no question.” Deep down I knew she was right and more importantly, I knew what to do.
I sat down that night and wrote a heart felt letter to my mom asking for her help and the next morning I courageously went to my childhood house, the house my mom died in, and read her my letter - 3 times!
It was magical. There was a breeze in the air and each time I read the letter it blew a little harder causing debris from the trees above to drift down on top of me. I could feel my mom's presence.
Here's where it gets really interesting.
When I went to get back in my car I found a penny on the ground that was so worn down that the copper coating was completely gone leaving it bright silver. It was unlike anything I had ever seen.
My step mom has a saying – a penny means an angel is looking out for you. I smiled and thought to myself - this is the cherry on top of a beautiful morning.
When I got back to my hotel I pulled into the only empty spot in the lot. The car next to me had a medallion hanging from the rear view mirror that read – cherry on top. Of course it did. Thanks mom. For everything.
This is one of the last photos ever taken of the two of us. Doesn’t she look like an angel? I love you mom.
I made an agreement with myself that day to change the radio station whenever I see my old story cropping up. That's me courageously choosing a new path and yes, it can be that easy.
"Trying" to be interesting is not authentic and requires enormous effort. The key to being interesting lies with who we are as a person. We’re drawn to people who are real—to those who are comfortable showing their authentic self.
So I ask you – where are you in this? What if deciding to let go of your old story could be just as easy?
Love,
Zachary
PS ~ Happy earlier Mother's Day to all the mothers out there.