“Self-awareness is one of the rarest of human commodities. I don’t mean self-consciousness where you’re limiting and evaluating yourself. I mean being aware of your own patterns.”
-Tony Robbins
I work with a lot of people that want to create change in their life and I’ve noticed one key thing - A lot of people try to carry their past into their future. In other words, people try to create their ideal future with the tools from their past. To me that’s like going to the hardware store and trying to buy milk.
I used to be like this. I walked around saying things like “I want to be a better version of myself” which at the time sounded great but it was really just me recycling my past. That’s when I realized I needed to let go of that version of myself. So I thanked it for getting me to where I was and then I let it go.
You see I was trying to build a future on a pile of sand. Would you build a house on a pile of loose sand? Absolutely not. You build homes on solid foundations. So why would you do the same with the life you want to create? You can’t.
In order to build your ideal future you first need to be aware of your unhealthy patterns. Then you need to learn new patterns. Knowing(awareness) is great but it can also be the enemy of learning. Knowing holds things in place while learning expands our lives with new possibilities.
So I’ll ask you…where in your life are you recycling your past?
For me I found the following four questions to be helpful in identify this.
Where in your life are you hustling for your worthiness?
How has that hustle created false identities in your life?
Are you telling yourself stories that are keeping your past alive?
And here’s the big one…
How do you deal with a difficult day or experience?
Most of us live these every day. We hustle for our worthiness, we’re not authentic with others, we tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough, and then we numb out to avoid feeling our feelings. These are what I call unhealthy patterns aka recycling your past. Once we know these patterns we can learn new behaviors and move beyond them.
For example. I used to feel empty and alone inside and I constantly looked for women to make me feel better about myself. If a woman liked me I felt better. If she didn’t I was a hot mess. Year after year, girl after girl, I tried to start a relationship with someone when I didn’t even have a healthy relationship with myself. I kept recycling my past over and over again and it never worked. It was the perfect definition of insanity.
It was only once I took time to build a solid foundation with myself that I was able to attract a healthy partner. I had to learn to have healthy intimacy with myself before I could have healthy emotional intimacy with another.
Identify, learn. Identify, learn. This is how we grow.
If you are wanting to explore what’s possible for you, in a very human and grounded way, journaling around these questions might serve you, if you’re open to it. If you do this let me know your biggest takeaways.
It’s time to stop recycling your past and playing small. Let your light shine and you will give others around you permission to do the same. I can’t wait to hear from you.
Love,
Zachary