I lived in the shadows for as long as I can remember. Hiding out. Living a life I didn’t want to live anymore. Specifically, working different jobs that didn’t feed my soul. I worked hard for 20 years to make other people’s dreams come true. Not my own.
And then I read a book by Steven Pressfield called Turning Pro. In it he talks a lot about shadow careers and how when someone is afraid to embrace their true calling they more often than not pursue a shadow calling instead.
Ding ding ding! Hand in the air. That was me.
I worked for business owners most of my life because I too afraid to risk becoming an entrepreneur myself. I worked for other people, doing things that didn’t necessarily make me happy and I did it because it entailed no real risk. No vulnerability. My shadow career kept me small and hidden. It kept me living a meaningless life.
Steven Pressfield calls bullshit on us for not acting on our ideas and dreams. Perhaps that’s a harsh way of putting it but I think he’s right.
Many of us get caught up in the endless loop of aspiration and yearning that never gets backed up with meaningful action. But why? Are we addicted to failure or living small meaningless lives? Absolutely not. So why do we stay in these careers? Because it feels safe. Claiming what you want in your life, and then acting on it, is big boy(and girl) stuff. And that can be scary.
I was a perfect example of this(still can be at times). I denied what I was called to do out of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of looking bad. Fear of being vulnerable. The list goes on and on.
My true authentic calling was(and still is) writing and coaching. I love helping people. I love it more than anything, aside from my wife and daughter, but for years I kept returning to the shadows out of fear of getting it wrong. Out of fear of being wrong. And in doing so I robbed the world of my gifts.
Thank god I finally got tired of the shadows. It was cold and dark and unfulfilling. I came to a crossroads, put my stake in the ground and claimed what I wanted. It was time. And I’m still here to talk about it. Imagine that.
I’ll end with something that reminds me a lot of what life used to look like for me. The other day I saw a bird in a retail store. The staff was trying to get it out but the little bird, obviously scared, stayed just out of reach next to a window. Every couple of minutes it fluttered its wings in a desperate attempt to get through the solid glass but that never worked. I opened the front door of the store in hopes of setting it free but the bird didn’t budge.
The bird eventually left the window and flew to the back part of the store but then changed directions and flew straight to the window it had so desperately been trying to go through. It hit hard and feel to the ground stunned where I kindly picked it up and took it outside and put it down next to a tree. After a minute or two the bird flew away. It was free.
I share this you because sometimes we are so deeply immersed in our shadows we can’t see a way out. We think there’s only one way to go when all along there’s an open door waiting for us somewhere else. Just like with the bird. An open door leading us to our freedom.
Hand in the air again. This was me.
I worked in retail for seventeen years. Unhappy with myself and my life I thought there was only one way out. Through the solid glass window. That was me in my shadow career.
Like a fish in a bowl I used to watch the world go by me. I was jealous of the lives I assumed other people were living. Yet year after after I stayed. No matter how painful it was. I felt trapped. I never once thought there was another option.
For some of us walking through that door is easy. For others we might require a little help from someone. Maybe that’s with a coach or a therapist or a support group. But know this; when you come out of the shadows you become who you always were but had, until that moment, been afraid to embrace and live out.
Bask in the sunlight of who you are and your life will change forever.
Love, Zachary
P.S.
Are you standing at the crossroad of life or are you living a shadow life? If you’re willing to share let me know.