Something happened a couple of weeks ago on Mother’s Day that rocked me to my core. I was supposed to drop my daughter off at her mom’s house at 8:30am in the morning but we got delayed till 8:50am because I decided to get my car washed.
Sounds silly, right? Let me explain.
LA traffic was non-existent that morning and we got there at 8:15am. We were so early that her mom wasn’t even home and with fifteen minutes to spare I decided to take my car through the drive thru car wash across the street.
I had been there before and it’s quick and easy and with only three cars in line in front of me I thought it was a no brainer. Plus, my daughter loves it!
And that’s when everything changed for the worst. What should’ve taken no more than ten minutes ended up taking forty minutes to get through. Yes, you read that correctly – forty minutes! The car wash broke down just before we drove through it.
ALERT ALERT. WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY. YOU HAVE MADE A MISTAKE! I REPEAT, YOU HAVE MADE A MISTAKE!
We were stuck and I started to panic. I quickly text my ex to tell her we would be a little late but that “little” turned into a little more and then a little more and then a little more. It was horrible.
By the time we exchanged our daughter the damage had been done. My ex was visibly upset and one of my core fears had been triggered. I DID SOMETHING WRONG!
I drove home in silence, tears streaming down my face. I was so angry at myself for getting in that line.
I had ruined my ex-wife’s special day. I was to blame and no one else. I was suffering.
I called my mentor thinking he would offer up some tough love but instead he kept it very simple. He said “Zak, you did nothing wrong.”
Yeah but it’s her special day. I should’ve been parked outside of her home at 8am to make sure we were on time to make sure everything is ok.
He repeated himself – “You did nothing wrong. What you thought would be quick and easy ended up taking longer than you imagined and that was NOT your fault. Zak, you did nothing wrong. You didn’t set out to be late. You didn’t set out to ruin her day.”
I tried to fight him on it but he wouldn’t hear it. I guess that was the tough love I needed in the moment.
He said my negative talk track would try and return throughout the day and for me to keep reminding myself that I did nothing wrong. Ugh, it was going to be a long day.
Byron Katie says that when we believe our thoughts we suffer and when we don’t believe them we don’t suffer. She says that freedom is that simple and that suffering is optional.
Her work encourages you isolate and question your thoughts and beliefs – to find opposites of them and question if they are as true or truer than the original thought.
I’ve spent most of my life trying to not be wrong. That’s bondage. That’s me giving my power away to everyone around me.
The lesson here is to remember that lack of perfection doesn’t mean that I am wrong. It just means that something happened. That’s it.
When I question the thought from that day – I did something wrong – the opposite is I did nothing wrong. This exploration gives my consciousness an opportunity to expand instead of staying trapped in bondage.
Can you relate? Let me know.
Wishing you a beautiful day and weekend ahead.
Love,
Zak