When I was seven years old my dad moved us up to a small mountain town about two hours east of Los Angeles. Aside from my mother’s death, that’s where the bulk of my childhood trauma took place. Where my “lessons” were learned.
I’m sharing this with you because like my father, I too am now a single parent. And interestingly enough, my daughter is the same age that I was when all of the craziness in my life was happening.
My dad is a decent man and he did the best he could with the tools he was given, but he made choices. He passed down to me what was passed down to him from his parents, keeping the family lineage of hurt people hurting people alive.
I don’t want to do that to my daughter. I have an opportunity to show up differently today compared to the way my father did. And in doing so, I’m changing history.
Quick side story….
During my divorce and my consequent move back to Los Angeles I was packing things anywhere and everywhere. And I guess that included my golf bag.
Well, I played golf last weekend with a couple of work colleagues and when I went to put my driver back in my bag it wouldn’t go all the way in. Something was in the way. It was a vision board that I had completed prior to my move, specifically about being a single dad.
I unrolled the paper and was immediately filled with emotions because there were the following words:
Show my daughter how to NOT run away
Show her how to be vulnerable
Show her that it’s ok to fail
Show her how to own her mistakes
And how do I do all this? By being an example. I get the opportunity to model a way of being for my daughter that’s different from what was modeled for me.
I get to show her how to show up and not run away. How to be vulnerable. How to try new things and be ok with failing. And how to own her mistakes and apologize when needed.
I’m changing history with my daughter, each and every day, and it’s such a gift.
So, what about you? Where in your life can you change history? Where can you show up differently for yourself or someone else?
I was watching a TV show the other night and the main character was starting his own business and was making sure that each and every little thing was in place before he picked up the phone to try and drum up a client. He was afraid of failure so he kept busy so he couldn’t fail.
He said “The longer I put off starting my own firm the longer it can remain a dream and not something I screwed up at”. He was giving up before he started.
That’s the behavior I’m talking about above. I get to model a way of being for my daughter that she’s going to absorb and learn.
I get to show her how to go after what I want in life and how to pick myself up when I fall down. And…if nothing changes and I don’t pursue my dreams then nothing changes and she’ll absorb that too.
I am beyond blessed to be the father of an incredible little being and to be able to show up for her (and myself) each and every day. To be the best version of myself for the both of us.
My wish is that you can do the same.
Love,
Zak